Joe’s Place

On the way home tonight from running an errand Joe just blurted out that “Yelling is the new spanking”.  I of course had a ready and waiting witty response that went something like this “really?”.

Joe then explained that it really is and when “you are yelling you are really spanking”.

Now, I must say that I wasn’t too surprised about this exclamation and subsequent explanation since Laura and I were just talking about this as I heard one of the radio personalities on a local radio station talking about a book (Scream Free Parenting) that we have (but have not had time to read it cover to cover) and one of the comments from the on air staff was that yelling was the new spanking.

I then asked Joe where he heard that (expecting him to say he overheard us talking when we thought he wasn’t listening) and he said on the radio.  He went on to explain that it was on the radio in the car up front by me.  It then dawned on me that he was with me when I heard the conversation on the radio while taking Joe to his eye appointment.

Hmmm…..guess I will have to pay a little more attention to what is on the radio (normally we listen to the satellite radio since it is commercial free music), not that it was anything bad, but it could mean I have some explaining to do at times.

Joe to Grandma:  “You’re pretty great yourself, with Grandpa”.

Enuf said….

I found this on the internet:

What should a 4 year old know?
I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.

Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only 3. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

1. She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
2. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
3. She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
4. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
5. She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.

But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

1. That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
2. That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.
3. That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
4. That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
5. That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US.They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

And now back to those 4 year old skills lists…..

I know it’s human nature to want to know how our children compare to others and to want to make sure we’re doing all we can for them. Here is a list of what children are typically taught or should know by the end of each year of school, starting with preschool:
http://www.worldbook.com/wb/Students?curriculum
Since we homeschool, I occasionally print out the lists and check to see if there’s anything glaringly absent in what my kids know. So far there hasn’t been, but I get ideas sometimes for subjects to think up games about or books to check out from the library. Whether you homeschool or not, the lists can be useful to see what kids typically learn each year and can be reassuring that they really are doing fine.

If there are areas where it seems your child is lacking, realize that it’s not an indication of failure for either you or your child. You just haven’t happened to cover that. Kids will learn whatever they’re exposed to, and the idea that they all need to know these 15 things at this precise age is rather silly. Still, if you want him to have those subjects covered then just work it into life and play with the subject and he’ll naturally pick it up. Count to 60 when you’re mixing a cake and he’ll pick up his numbers. Get fun books from the library about space or the alphabet. Experiment with everything from backyard snow to celery stalks in food coloring. It’ll all happen naturally, with much more fun and much less pressure.

My favorite advice about preschoolers is on this site though:
http://www.redshift.com/~bonajo/early.htm

What does a 4 year old need?

Much less than we realize, and much more.

I was trying to call my neighbor across the street to see if I could borrow some chili powder.  I dialed the number, and the person answered a very nice “helloooooo”.  I said, “Bev”?, and she said “no”.  I thought I detected a “British accent”, and I said, “oh, I’m sorry……I must have the wrong number….but you sound very nice.”  She said “well, thank you”.  I then asked “are you speaking in a British or English accent”? and she said, “yes, I am.”

So, I guess I felt now we had something in common so I started talking to her telling her how (using just a tad bit of MY British accent as I knew she could detect an impostor pretty quick) I sometimes talk to my son that way and how fun it is.  She was laughing.  I told her that I started talking that way when I was watching a Thomas The Train cartoon episode and it just struck me to start talking like that.  When I did that, Joe looked at me like sort of….”have you lost your mind”?, or “what in the heck are you doing”?  I told Joe (still in my accent) that this is the way they talk across the pond in Britain, etc., and tried to use as many British forms of speech as possible to show him how else it was a little different.  That particular day he wanted me to talk that way all day.

I also explained to the woman that at first, he seemed to listen to me very well (better actually) and was more willing to do as I asked than normal.  When I would stop (cause maybe I’d forget), he’s say “do the voice……do the voice”, so back into my British accent I went.  I even called Mike at work and used it and I totally fooled him.  Hmmmmmmm, maybe I WAS good enough.  Anyway, what goes up must come down.  I noticed that eventually, throughout the day, my “British” accent, slowly changed to an “Indian” accent, then an “Australian” accent (all w/out my trying), till I had to quit b/c I ran out of accents.  It was interesting to wonder why my accent would change like that……anyway……

I had a lot of fun talking to my “wrong number” and we said our “cheers and good-night” and ended the call.  I’ll never know who she was but she was very nice indeed.   

Cheerio!

Joe and I have figured out that, perhaps…….just perhaps, if you sprayed a can of Silly String toward the moon, and the string never broke, it might make it that far.  So……. if Joe tells you that he loves you as much as 200 cans of Silly String, that is very very very much and very very very good.  Until disproved, it’s at least to the moon and back, and then maybe 200 times that.  That, my pretty (and friend), is a LOT of love.

Okay, although I didn’t get a picture of it, Mike was sporting a “woop-de-doop” this morning for a little while, and he was trying to show Joe that if HE could do it, so could Joe.  As soon as Joe saw Mike’s “woop-de-doop” he said, “you can smack it down now, if you want”.  Very subtle….

Okay….yes, we’ve put a stop on “Scooby Doo” as kind of an experiment just to see if any of Joe’s impulse control with regard to hitting, pushing, etc. settles down.  We’re not saying that a lot, or any of that is done on Scooby, but we think it definitely gets him more hyped up after watching one.

So…..just for the fun of it, we’ve decided that we’ll watch a “Leave It To Beaver” episode every day.   I (Laura) remember watching it all the time around 1974 when we moved from Idaho to Washington.  Just loved that show, although it was considered “old” then.  Mike says he remembers watching it too.  So….when we sat down, with young lad beside us, I for one, was ready for some good “lessons” that Joe might glean from the show (remembering that Ward and June were pretty conservative, right?)  And I was hopping that Joe would see that people really did live differently back then than they do now….not quite so much excess.

HUMPF!  I think the first two episodes really made me wonder if all of us (JOE!!) should even be watching this series.  On one of the first episodes, Wally (Beav’s brother) was probably a senior in high school.  But maybe because he just looked younger, he seemed younger to me.  Wally had met a girl that summer (at the local library of course….) and was “smitten”.  He did not want to spend a WHOLE TWO WEEKS away from her up at the cabin.  So……what does he do?  He tells his parents he isn’t going with them this year (I think they’d been going for 15 years or so).  So, I’m thinking “ha ha ha….let’s see what happens now…..come one Ward, let him know he really doesn’t have a choice).  So Ward says, “Why Wally, we’d never MAKE you go to the cabin.”    WOW!  I’m thinking, “who’s in control here?”.  Mike did remind me that Wally was old enough to decide that, and I had to remember that parties back then (at least in the Cleaver household) were not the kind I think of today…..but still…..    I had to wonder….were the Cleaver’s more liberal than I thought???

So, we just wanted to clue you into what we’ve been watching so when we comment, you’ll have a better idea of what we are talking about.

On the way home from running an a couple of errands this evening I stopped and got an ice cream cone for Joe (a surprise) which made for some big smiles (always welcome).

Then when we got home and got ready for bed and finished our nighttime chores, we told Joe we had another surprise for him (watching a Scooby Doo before we go to bed) and Joe said “How many surprises can a kid get?”.

Not sure I know the answer to that question, if anyone knows the answer, feel free to weigh in.

I saw this little boy on an ad that comes to me and  told Joe that I really liked his hair….his “woop-de-doop”.  Joe said he liked it too, so I went to get some gel and see if I could mimic it.  I tried to get some gel in his hair and of course he ran from me like I was trying to brush his teeth.  Then he said “I don’t want a “woop-de-doop”.  I replied “But you said you LIKED the “woop-de-doop”. 

Apparently, he wants to see it again and pretty much intimated that he didn’t trust that I could copy the “woop-de-doop” to his satisfaction…..   Humpf!

Here is a re-cap of a question Joe had yesterday that I asked Pastor Green:

Rick Green

Absolutely!

God had you in mind when he made Mommy and Daddy want a little boy!